June 19, 2007
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The Victim
I went through a great deal of my childhood with a victim mentality. It sort of happens by accident. No one sets out thinking to themselves, “I am going to allow myself to take a victim mentality.” It just sort of creeps in. The circumstances of life seem out of control and a person feels they have no choice but to sit back and be victimized by life.
I was no exception. I thought I had no control and no ability to change my situation. One day in my childhood that began to change. I remember the moment. I don’t remember how old I was or where I was at. I just remember thinking in my head, “I am not a victim.” It was a turning point for me. I can’t even tell you what prompted me to understand I was allowing myself to be a victim. It was just a moment of self-discovery. At that moment, I was taking responsibility for my life. At the moment, I wasn’t aware of the significance of that moment.
Every time that I thought my circumstances were too great, I repeated that phrase. I didn’t want to live the life of a victim. I didn’t want life to happen to me.
I must admit I have had to start repeating that phrase in the last two years. It is easy to let those old patterns of victimization to creep back into your life.
Comments (273)
You’ve been featured on Xanga!
It’s an easy mentality to get wrapped up in, but the bottom line is that it’s a choice. It may creep in slowly, but you need to make a conscious decision to not let yourself be a victim, or simply allow yourself to remain one.
I am with you on this one. I’m kind of going through this with my sobriety right now. I someone fell back into the same old patterns of drinking when I had been sober for a long while. I even fell back last night. But I’m starting over again today. Starting again at day one, which sucks, but I’ve made that choice. The thing you have to remember is that you make the choice to “be the victim” when you wake up in the morning; consciously or subconsciouly. Each day is a new day where you can make the choice to not be a victim anymore. And there may be days where you stumble, but you just pick yourself up again and say it’s a new day. Good luck.
i agree
?
I’m glad this is featured on the front page; I’m sure many can relate.
it’s a bit too easy :-
I definetly can relate to that. My situation has cooled down now, so i’m falling out of that mentality and i’m realizing what i could’ve done.
Unfortunately, some people are prone to being “victims” because of the environment they were raised in. Your past doesn’t have to come back and haunt you though. I think your best bet to avoid becoming a victim is to get help for this. Therapy maybe. It’ll prevent you from gett into the wrong relationship, making the wrong friends, and it’ll prevent or stop substance abuse. it’ll help your decision making, and make feel better. =) =)
Take care!
I try to remember: the circumstances may be beyond your control, but your subsequent reactions aren’t. Granted, it’s easier said than done, but it’s good to remind yourself even in chaos, you still have some measure of self-determination…
:]
glad you made that self-discovery.
it’s something we all need to make 8]
I’m glad you’ve been able to overcome such circumstances. I know a great many now entering into their adulthood who still haven’t been able to.
some subconscious ideas are getting to your head. perhaps a traumatizing freak accidentyou had encountered when you were young. repressed the memory so far back in your head that you fail to remember such rubbish? hmm? hmmmm? hmmmmm?
well go talk about it someone. perhaps you’ll learn the true nature of this fear of yours. after you take care of your psychological needs. perhaps you can escalate to acheieve self-actualization? hmmm? hmmmm? hmmmmmmm?
Um, you also don’t have the cognitive abilities as a child, nor body mass, to be anything other than a victim to your exterior influences. When you’re a child, you really CAN’T control what happens to you. Your brain isn’t developed enough. So you can tell yourself, “I will not be the victim”, but that just sounds like a defense/coping mechanism. You were still probably a victim because you were a child, and couldn’t possibly care for yourself.
And I agree. This was a bit too evasive and easy.
The entry, I mean…
i have a quick look at your weblog and see that most of your blogs are filled with sadness.
i’m sorry for that,hopefully you can have a happy life ever since.
Thanks for the reassurance. I’m really hoping that it does get better. High school is so overrated.
I’ve become too familiar with the victm mindset also. Although, I don’t really know if I actually am being treated so poorly, or if my mind is just playing tricks on me. I don’t know which one sounds more appealing anyways. If the former were the truth then people are heartless and self-centered. If the latter is the reality then I’m my own worst enemy. Oh well. Life goes on.
P.S. I thought your post was very interesting.
I find myself to become a
i too have been a victim of the victim mentality. it takes a great deal of effort to get out of it. realising that you’re not a victim, that you yourself is responsible for your own happiness, is a good starting point.
good luck with the best of your journey <3
Empowerment is so much better than victimization.
I find myself letting me become a victim. Though I know that I let myself become one, it seems almost easy to say ‘I’m a victim, not my problem.’
I’ve been trying not to be one lately.
I like what you’ve typed but i must say your repeating “you don’t want life to happen to you” sentence…honey you have to let life happen in order to get anywhere and move on from being the victim…being victimized by life is hard but you move on through things cuz thats all you can do…you can never just sit lookin at everything move on in life without you. you can’t be afraid to live just a little…if you never make mistakes your not trying anything new! and thank you for your comment…losing my son did impact me alot but i have learned to live through the experience and i know my son is with me everyday and i’ll see him and hold him again only this time he’ll be healthy.
I hear ya.
Wow, I’ve never even thought about that. Good point. I should use that..
I’m like that sometimes. I let life get the best of me and no longer do I have a choice but that the world made the choice for me! :s Everyone’s a victim at one point or another but that doesn’t mean we have to remain a victim! Thanks for pointing that out!
It’s almost like you had an epiphany….or a revelation of some sort…..i had a day like that or so i thought when i met this girl……..but i guess not………….props man
i hope more people in life, become strong like you have, i’m glad you found a way to take control of your life…………………………
we comented on each other page at the same time, lol have agreat night…………..
i completely understand. good for you! keep truckin’
i’m still fighting that mentality. the part that i find most difficult right now is that my present circumstances are not allowing for fluidity and growth, which i believe are two important elements in not allowing oneself to continue being the victim. i’ve been working on changing my present circumstances for 3yrs. each time i do, something always falls apart and i have to put important decisions on the back burner to take care of things. this time around, i’m hoping things go better than planned.
excellent entry =)
What made you think you were a victim in the first place?
uh .. so u’re saying u grew up ..
ryc – Well, I’m happy to friend people who are actually my friends. But yeah, I’m not accepting friend requests from random people I’ve never met before, be it online or off.
Nice post, by the way.
This is very fitting to my current situation…so thank you for writing about it. It -is- an easy mentality to fall into, far too easy. I think we all need to keep ourselves in check sometimes and remember that we are in control of our lives…whether we like it or not.
I hope you don’t mind if I copy and paste this onto my own Xanga. I want a friend to see it, and of course I’ll give you credit.
Keep working at it! Carpe diem!
.
choice is a beautiful creature…
it’s unfortunate, but people tend to reward the ‘victim’ much more readily than the ‘lasher’ (what is good?) in my own life, plenty of people have given me ‘breaks’ for situations i was seemingly trapped in–they could have easily helped me much more with a bit of vantage. don’t get me wrong, a good time, this ‘helping’ was all fine and good, wonderful in fact. however, inevitably, it kept me from progressing as a person, being productive, being the controller of my own fate (heaven forbid you let this go to someone else’s idea, just look at the messes in the world).
i don’t know… i’ll rebel against the victim in myself, usually, just because i’ve seen what it leads to both with me and some of those i care dearly about. the damage of dependence is sometimes permenant.
oy, i’ve drifted…it’s like you said, our choices are our own. it doesn’t matter what dice you’ve been thrown, it’s how you use them.
and always remember that nobody in this life is going to hand you something for nothing, and even if they do, it’s a mistake; you are probably the fool;)
i totally know what you mean… i might go into psychiatry and this interests me a lot… hope everything will go great for you in the future.
being a victim in life only happens when you aren’t fully aware of yourself. i find that sometimes i need to stop letting life happen to me as well. making yourself helpless is something that we often don’t notice until we’re kept in check. i think it’s something everyone falls into at some point in their life.
I know exactly what you mean about feeling like the “victim”. My life’s circumstances to me seem so out of reach. Like this is the way it is. There is nothing I can do to change it. It pisses me off so much that my dad won’t buy me a car. I am almost 18 years old and I don’t have any money or a car. I can’t just pull money to move out, out of my ass. I need a car to get a job. I hate living with my parents. I want to be on my own so much. I hate always being told what to do. and never having any fun. I want freedom. But I just accept it now. What’s the point of being pissed off over things you just can’t change. My dad has 5 kids. If he bought us all cars he would be broke. But soon I will graduate and I’m sure that I will get a few scholarships. I can take out students loans for the rest. I learned to be grateful that atleast I’m pretty smart. and have a good chance of making it to college.
I know exactly what you mean by feeling like the “victim”. Many times I feel so trapped. Like things are the way they are and I will not be able to change them. There is no point in being upset over things you cannot change. Because being upset over things you cannot change is pointless. All you are is upset. Sometimes all you can do is take shitty circumstances and accept them for what they are. Things can’t stay bad forever. Go with the flow. Sometimes life sucks, and you can’t do anything about it. Be patient. It usually gets better.
Living with depression is much the same way. You actually have to tell yourself “I will choose to be happy, no matter what.” But it’s also very easy to slip back into depression again.
very honest entry. I always feel that
when people are honest with themselves,
there is hope.
small point- be sure to get at least
a half an hour of sunshine a day.
It helps clear the blues. (doctor
recommended it)
c.
yea, I used to have a victim’s mentality throughout my childhood. When In 7th grade I was a target to some pretty messed up bullying. In 8th grade I realized I can’t be a victim anymore, and ever since then I think I’ve turned it around. I kinda feel the opposite of a victim’s mentality is the feeling of invincibility. I think Im in a stage of feeling invincible.
Isn’t that a shot of the clock in Prague? Great introspective entry~*
I agree completely with the other comments. Allowing yourself to become a victim is a choice that you make mentally.
You make a very good point in this post. And I for one, congratulate you. I’m glad that you were able to realize what you did as a child. I think it would’ve been even harder for you to enforce it in your mind if you had been a lot older. I’m also glad that you are working at enforcing it in your mind and life right now.
It definitely is easy for old habits and thoughts to creep back into your mind. But that’s why it’s so important to work at keeping them away from you.
I want to say I’m proud of you, but we don’t know each other, and therefore you wouldn’t believe me if I said it. But I am. I’m always glad to see someone has changed their life for the better.
God bless you and keep you in the days, weeks, and years ahead.
*~*Laura*~*
You were featured on the main page and I clicked on it because I had just written something on my blog about the very same issue. I’m glad you’re taking steps to prevent this mentality, as I know many people that are like this and it can be very draining to maintain friendships with them. Remember — it could always be worse, and even then, it’s never that bad. You’re better than you think.
I feel like I make myself a victim too much, but I have no idea how to make things better. I don’t know how to turn it all around. I hope I have that moment of self-realization and fix myself.
more things like this need to be featured on the front page…
everyone can really relate to this.
more things like this need to be featured on the front page…
everyone can really relate to this.
It is far easier to get into/stay in a bad/depressing mood than it is to suck it up and/or stay in a neutral mood or even a good mood. Das truth.
you know, i have had that same problem. but instead of choosing to be the victim, i somehow, was. instead of choosing it i accepted it as a way of life. i’ve asked counselors about it and they say that sometimes, it’s just the nature of a person that is , in itself, a victim and it isn’t any one’s fault but those choosing to take advantage of it. it’s hard going through life knowing this but also knowing you’ve got a say in what happens when you do get victimized helps profusely.
i went through the same thing in my childhood! wow…… i do wish, sometimes, that others would as well, however. of course, we cant control others, so…….
Glad this was featured.
This is something I really needed to hear right now.
Very good post. you raised some good points in this post.
I can absoultely relate to this. thanks for posting this and geting it n the front page!
Good luck to you.
I can relate to this post. Thanks for sharing. It reminds me to keep moving forward.
I agree with you…it’s so easy to let life rule you but we do have choices we just gotta be strong enough to make them.
Wow, you are completely 100% right. Well put! It’s not easy to come to that conclusion (as simple as it might seem to some people). I had the same realization a couple months ago, and it totally opens up the whole world to you.
I need to start saying that to myself…..life is retarded for me at the moment.
I guess sometimes, it has got to a point where I feel like I need a bullet and a gun so I can shoot myself right in the head.
mmm…victimizing oneself feels so appealing though. Its such a horrible habit but I think everyone has done it at least once or twice and the person that says he or she has not is just completely lying. I’ve had to deal with it a lot lately. And it sucks. I don’t know why we do it but I guess we do. I love your advice btw I think I shall try it the next time.
I dunno, I usually have always maintained a “fuck the world” mentality all my life. I’ve always taken every situation as one big joke, even if I do feel like a victim, I just laugh at it, because there is always a little humor in every situation.
I hear you.
I finally grew a self esteem one day.
I just realized, “I don’t have to be ashamed of myself, or sorry for being different.”
Snap to! We all have crosses to bear-for chrissakes! Just SNAP TO! and GET OVER IT! If everyone belly-ached about what they had to go through not a damn thing would get done in this world! Boo-F-in’ hoo! Pull up yer boot-straps, Darling and keep on keepin’ on!
thats strange… i have that phrase written in big bold sharpie on an index card sitting right here next to me. my friend wrote it for me when i was in the process of leaving home, almost a year ago. long story short, i was disowned/ran away to start a life away from my parent’s and church’s hypocrisy and close-mindedness. it took me 19 years to climb outta that “victim mentality,” but i’m now on track and doing hella good.
fate works in funny ways. thanks for the post =]
That’s why I was freaking out.
Hey man, that was a good entry. I feel like I can totally relate, and I’m glad you didn’t suger coat the reality of you having to remind yourself. That’s respectable and cool. Good for you man, I really took this one to heart.
that is very courageous of you =)
I hope it all works out for you
good luck!
Your post was very powerful, but I must admit…I am rather enamored by your profile icon.
~Spyked~
ChiYokLown
It’s weak people like you all nearly everyone else who replied to this post that sicken me. You only make being cynical all the easier.
Nice post. I guess sometimes it only takes a thought to change one’s life.
very good insight. the world would be a much better place if everyone forced themselves to realize this early on. thanks for the reminder.
i go through this with my mom a lot. thanks for writing it; though.
I agree totally! very inspiring and so true! a lot of people can relate to what you went through! five stars! lol!
Hey, any1 could be a victim of the good guys or a bad guys a bad guy is like a murderer who tries 2 kill the other person who is totally nd innocent 2 themselves but those murderer people doesn’t care they just want 2 be a murderer person nd shoot those innocent people 4 a reason they don’t want 2 be a nice person at all nd I think dat ain’t good at all! Killing and stabbing and shooting people are not the right thing 2 do and it’s part of the violence nd you could get arrested by the police 4 doin’ dat so I am tellin’ all of the innocent nd good people out there 2 do follow the murderer people nd don’t even talk 2 them either it’s like every1 said don’t talk 2 strangers like the people u don’t realli kno or seen them b4 too!
Wow! very true ! I agree! most people though don’t realize that they don’t have to be a victim until it’s too late. It’s good that you over came it all! Five stars for you! lol!
In the Korean language, victim and sacrifice are the same word. I think the value of being a “victim,” if you see any, would depend upon just how voluntarily one submits to that status. Everyone gets used throughout his life, regularly, in one way or another, but as you suggest, some “utlization” is evil, and other, such as taking a job, slogging through some routine you feel doesn’t deliver the greatest value to your customers, but which is required by some arcane rule or asinine boss, is a voluntary submission to being used in a less than optimal manner.
I believe we need economic freedom before we can gain full freedom, with the above an example of subjugation, and in a sense, victimization, if you ascribe to being used in less than an ideal or beneficial manner, in some way which offends your sense of dignity or conscience.
I had to deliver pizza to get through grad school, and felt my talents were not being utilized to their best extent. Nonetheless, I had to do it; there was no way around it; and above and beyond that, I had to save money for ten years here in South Korea, teaching English to sometimes groups of noisy boys who do not show much respect for me. It takes a long time to gain your economic freedom, which is an ineluctable aspect of total freedom, and buying 3 dollah coffee deluxe each day don’t help you get any closer.
Good luck,
Padooker
hi. as for my 21 years long history of being victimized and then playing a victim almost without knowing i was acting this way- well- its fine to read someone elses point of view upon that topic- and then get a grip:) its somehow weirdly comfortable and even tempting to sit around letting life/evil people take over. yet, we know this goes nowhere, and doesnt bring any happiness. thus-Nietzsche’s idea of ubermensch comes to my mind. good you dont want to be a loser
thats a 5star post. actually, best of featured. one thing bothers me- why make up tutorial got 600 comments next to 80 yours??
What you said makes alot of sense. Atleast to me it does. I guess I let myself be the victim in many situations too.
All of us have a life-changing moment like that. I haven’t exactly got there yet. But I try.
And congrats on getting featured!
This is such a simply put post, but it is so powerful. In a few paragraphs, you actually teach a HUGE lesson. The message is “You are your own master.” Good for you for finding it in you to change things and remembering that only you can do it.
You are soo right too that the old habits can creep up. Stay strong.
LOL, this post makes me want to pump my fists in the air. God, I’m a dork.
I find that different that you can view yourself as a victim in the first place. Your other entries are very real and you have normal fears, like of being uncertain of touching your friends husbands dead body and the smell associated with death. That smell of death is different for all of us but we all still have an idea of the smell of death and can identify with your interpretation of it. I think that you have never really been a victim but are afraid of your true potential/ greatness! No offence intended but it is just my opinion, something as simple as that entry has landed you being featured on Xanga! Well done.
Good for you! It takes a lot of guts to overcome the past, but it IS possible.
i have a tough childhood and thanks for makin my day to be strong. really.
Learned helplessness sucks. All you need to do is realize it’s only a psychological condition…not a life sentence.
congratulations for your self-discovery, i’m truly happy for you
You’re a victim of life only if you let it get to you
Excellent! Discovering that is a great thing. =)
I’ve been there. Of course with my physical limitations, my parents and doctors kind of set me up for a victim mentality, but it’s not really their fault. The older I get, the more I realize it doesn’t matter if I couldn’t round 3rd base on the softball field without dislocating my knee, and I’m a capable individual in many more ways than I’m incapable.
Also, as I’ve gotten older and less self-absorbed, I’ve realized everyone has problems- whether physical, emotional, whatever- that plague them through life. I’m kind of lucky that mine are: 1. relatively mild compared to most physical disabilities, and 2. obvious enough that I grappled with them and came to terms with them relatively early in my life, never had a denial phase about having problems.
But when my eyesight worsened considerably just as surgery finally helped my knees, I did slide back into the victim mentality of my childhood for a little… just frustrated because I thought my problems were over and- nope!
The victim mentality haunted me for years too.
And that one day, the changing point in my life, happened. A miracle happened when I faced everything.
I’m no longer a loser by then.
Yup, everyone has a choice! And remember…. if you’re a victim, then we would all be victims. Why? Because we’re all interconnected in some form or way–most people react the way other people react. We don’t know it, but others are mightily influenced by the way we perceive life, only because some of them don’t know how to treat life themselves…so they kinda look up to other people. Live on, luv! Seize the day, but carefully. =)
Hell yeah! I love Mario Tennis.
I understand what you’re saying completely. Right now, unfortunately, I’m kinda stuck in the victim mentality, but through no fault of my own. Yes, it is a choice, but at the same time, it’s really not in some circumstances — like when you don’t have the choice to watch your mother slowly melt away in front of your eyes of her own volition, or when you end up the sole caretaker of an elderly dog because if you don’t do it no one else will and he will die in pain. Sometimes what other people want for you is what you end up having to do — and granted, that doesn’t necessarily make you a victim, but it can lead to the victim mentality, as I’ve learned. But last night, I had a good long flip-out and today, I’m ready to take on the world
Well the world, minus my dirty laundry :-/
I’m glad to see you have found the tools to overcome. Take care.
This is an awesome post. It must be a very empowering to realize that you are not a victim, even though circumstances in your life have given you the right to possess the mentality. Keep your head up!
it’s hard to keep the change up… because sometimes it doesn’t feel so much like not being a victim, it feels more like putting up a front to protect the part of you that still is a victim. which sucks because you still get all the sadness, but nobody else knows…
ty. this is very inspirational.
Yip.
i like your site but way do you call yourself the victim? maybe you can tell me the answer!
This is food for thought. I can relate to this in a sense; that said I have a question. I don’t honestly believe that I am truely in control. I have the mentality that the only thing in life that I can control is my reaction to uncontrolable events. If I react poorly, it creates events that are equaly as poor or worse and I take responsability for those. Is that a victim?
*Is that a victim mentality.
Forgot a word.
“I didn’t want life to happen to me.”
Thats definitely a phrase I won’t soon forget. Thank you
While it’s true that some things that happen to us are beyond our control, it is still within our control how we respond.
I did an interview with a woman who worked as an advocate for people who’ve been through rape and abuse, and one thing she made clear was that her clients were only referred to as victims if they died from what happened to them. Otherwise, they were to be referred to as survivors. That way, she wasn’t diminishing what had happened to these people, but allowing them to feel strong in spite of what had happened.
…I know maaaany people with the same thing. I completely have to agree
hihow are you
To say ‘it happened by accident’ isnt the sort of statement that a person wanting to take responsibility makes. Things like that dont happen ‘by accident’; you arrive there for a reason. If you can understand the reason, you can authentically tackle your position.
thank you!
=}
That’s a very good point there. Good thing this entry was featured, funny how it works. I should start telling myself that. Let’s start, I am not a victim. Feels good. Thanks.
I’m with ya 100%…good thoughts!
I agree with you. There are many times when we live in miseries and put the blame on others, but the truth is the only one that could make us feel all bad is ourselves. We have to recognize this point and get up from there…I know it sounds easy but it’s really hard to do. Thinking that we’re a victim is so much easier than thinking that we are not. We need a lot of courage to get up…if that makes any sense at all haha Take care
it’s tough not to think of oneself as a victim especially when terrible things happen one after another, and it’s out of your control.
…okay…
this reminded me of the donnie darko movie.
where jim cunningham is in that video
and everyone is like: -cheesy faces and voices-
“I’M NOT AFRAID ANYMORE!”
I’ve been saying this for a long time…it’s so true. We bask in pain because it makes us…i don’t know, discover life?
Meh, well, graduate from pain, man. Have a good one.
Oh, I’m glad that you see that and are making changes. I hope things go well for you and that you live life to the fullest.
Which reminds me of something Someone once said: “I have come that you may have life, life to the full.” -Jesus Christ.
Funny people think that God is religion and God is boring and condemning.
He is neither. He is the opposite of both those things.
God is passionate and emotional about you, Reed.
God has a plan and a purpose for your life. Good plans. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
I hope you seek Him and find Him and all that He has for you!!!!!!
from another homo sapien nosing around on earth, SQ
i agree
sooo… do you want us to feel sorry for you for the things you suffered as a child…or applaud your heroism and power to overcome???
whoa exact alike thing.
i hear ya.. i was a victim to bullying..
What a way to go…some kids who had a rough childhood become adults who cannot move past this tough beginning.
GOOD FOR YOU!! I DID IT, TOO!!
FREEDOM!!
Christy
wow, that sort of happened to me a few weeks ago….it sometimes hurts when you come down to it
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lol random comments
I know it’s bare impressive. He was so proud of it. lolz
it’s just hard in general to grow up, let alone with such a strain on your mental state
Reed,
I learned at a one day seminar that choice was taken from me at a very young age of three. I was sexually and verbally abused by my father. Later in life I finally realized through extensive therapy over eight years that after all the drama, my life was finally calm. I freaked out, I didn’t know what to do without drama!! My therapist at the time, pointed out I was healthy it was all the people around me that were the ones with drama! i was the type of personality that was always attempting to solve problems for others. Once I stopped trying to make everyone else’s world perfect; I was able to step back and relax.
I want you to know that even though I’ve never met you and probably never will, I love you and you are my hero because to accomplish such a feet is amazing
i struggle every day to get other people with an external locus of controll to realize that life may be a bitch and you can either sit back and let it nag at you or u can strap on a saddle and RIDE IT LIKE THERES NO TOMORROW
I can relate to that and am in the “feel like a victim” stage again myself after some troubles. Thankyou for sharing that, a powerful reminder to not give in to such thoughts and let that mentality take over. Good on you and thankyou again!
WHEN U R READING THIS DONT STOP OR SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN MY NAME IS SUMMER I AM 15 YEARS OLD i have BLONDE HAIR , SCARS no NOSE OR EARS I AM DEAD IF U DONT COPY THIS JUS LIKE FROM THE RING COPY N POST THIS ON 5 MORE SITES OR I WILL APPEAR ONE CREEPY N
oh so true… i just turned 25 and had a mental breakdown on my birthday because i was “getting older” and i had realized that my life was virtually going nowhere. i used to blame everyone else. that day i knew it was my own fault. i’ve been digging myself out of a hole ever since… happily though
great entry… i love xanga 
<33 jaxx
Well since we don’t know the details I have no words of wisdom. Just some thoughts on my own childhood. I wasn’t the victim so much as the tormentor. I remember standing on the dinning room table and cussing out the baby sitter the best a 4 year old could. When she came at me to kill me I jumped out the window. I also stole money from her purse and went to the corner store and bought crayons. Busted. My mom drove me to her house that night when she wasn’t buying the story that I found the money in the yard. I had to make a public apology and give back the money. I pulled down a 2 year olds pants and put gravel in them and then ran behind the garage. The paper boy came to her rescue and then chewed me out. I got caught throwing rocks at cars and shooting birds with my BB gun. I was normal. Kind of. I thought so.
I agree
Reed, thanks so much for that insight…I copied your post to my blog, I hope you don’t mind…I thought it was a great message to share! If you don’t want it there, I will take it off, just let me know! Thanks from a fellow NON-VICTIM!!
I find that it is easier to for people to say that they are a victim but I realised that is only making them weaker as they have no choice and we all have a choice to speak out and stand against things.. I was a victim and I chose not to be as I knew that it would weaken me and I chose to be stronger against being a victim in the future. It only takes once to be one and then you have to make a choice whether you want to be known as one the rest of your life or fight back for what you want to change. I personally think that no one should be a victim and I hate that I was one.
i also suffered from this type of mentallity, but not too long ago i broke free of the hold it had on my life…i constantly blamed my misery on my childhood, living with 13 family members as an immigrant to the united states, although i did HAVE family. it takes a great deal of effort and support…the amazing thing is if you open your eyes to the people you have around you, you will definately have that support…i finally figured out a way to utilize that support effectively and let it become my stregnth…thanks for your entry its always helpful to see it put into words by others…definately opens your eyes to other angles and different approaches to how to obtain true happiness
What a great, honest post.
Good for you!
I am sorry for you low self-esteem at such a young age. It must have been difficult for you. I am glad that you are a better person, for those experiences, and have asserted yourself to master your own life. I’m a bit envious that you get so many comments on such a common, and unelaborate blog. lol My blogs go into explicit detail, using very creative language, and barely get commented.
the only thing you could ever be a victim of
is yourself
I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
Ya know, I was reading through this and it got me to thinking…we all have this mentality in some area of our life. I’m overweight, but I’ve learned in the past year plus that even size 2 women worry about their body. Look at Renee Z. for example. There is this great lie that we all buy into that we are the only one’s who really struggle and worry about their weight, or no one else is as lonely as me. Or when we walk into a crowded room, we’re the only one that doesn’t belong. B.S. Every single person in that room feels insecure in some area of their life. They don’t have anything on us. It’s not like their lives are all together and I’m the only one that doesn’t “get it right.”
I used to be so intimidated by quiet, reserved women thinking that was the picture of an ideal woman. Well let me tell you something, if all of us were wallflowers, the world would be a boring place. I’ve come to terms with my brazenness (is that a word?) and realized that I don’t have to let this lie make me feel who I am is not who I should be. Of course we always need to change and move forward, but we don’t have to move forward and change out of intimidation, insecurity, trends, pressure, etc.
So the next time someone makes you feel insecure, take a good look at them, listen to their words carefully and you’ll soon see that they have problems (maybe different than yours) just like you and they ain’t no better than you! So grab life by the horns and hang on for the thrill ride. Live life to the full!!!
i waz abused by my parents i hate the conservitive expression “dont be a victim’how bout “dont be a perpatrator”.u felt like a victim cauze u probly were kids r routenely abused and its not stopped cauze conservitive adults who r often dumber than thier kids have 2 much power and r allowed 2 b abusive.I AM A VICTIM
well said, well said!
wow, this’ll help me a lot. (really, I’m not being sarcastic.)
Thank you.
So much.
don’t take this the wrong way, but i don’t think it’s easy to be a victim of life at all. i know that i could never let anyone take advantage of me, or let myself become a victim. rereading your entry, i don’t quite understand what you’re saying. if you suffered some sort of abuse, then i’m wrong & i’m sorry. i don’t mean to be rude.
its very true.. happens with everybody….i guess
how true…happens with everybody i guess….
im really glad that you picked yourself up and not let yourself be downtrodden. its amazing how many people cant build up self esteem after it’s all deflated. be strong and have self confidence!
=)
Thanks. ;-D
victim…we are all victim to life i guess even more so to death.it will come to all of us.but i suppose that is what makes life have signifacance.your probaly thinking “what?”but hear me out.why is life important.so we can be happy?then die and maybe people remember us…maybe they dont.Death is important becuase it is forever and all of us go through it.But still what does it matter???Well what will happen to us after death?thats a huge question for some people but it is so easy for me.Im a christian and i know that heaven and hell exist i wont get into why i think that but i have reasons.funny how death and life are so fuedily connected yet alot of us seem not to realize.ok i made this to long and sorta off the piont but think on that.
~路過~
Man男無處不在 靚女無可取代
男子11句承諾 女子最愛 —> 100%純無聊
第一句：我不在乎你的容貌
女人似花．男人像蝶．花愈香蝶愈盛．花越艷則蝶越狂．
蝶戀花乃千年不變的真理．男人不在乎女人容貌? 咁你有聽過有蝶戀草的嗎?
第二句：我咩都應成你
xXY…….. 當你聽到呢句話之後 你一定會聽到下面果句 —->除佐呢件事我咩都應成你
第三句：你是我唯一
女人有政策．男人有對策．XXX…..大話…….(唔知點講好)
第四句：我不在乎你是不是處女
千萬不要低估佐果一層薄薄的膜對男人的魅力 -.-” 數千年的文化禁固．唔係媒體隨便嗌幾聲性解放就可以抹殺． 低B
性解放最尾都係便宜佐男人．受傷流淚的依然係女人．如果男人可以唔在乎你係唔係處女．除非
佢只當你係情人罷了….
第五句：我發誓
………..唔洗多講 發誓對男人黎講…. 哈哈哈
第六句：是我錯了
女人以為男人認錯便=自己win佐．
點都估唔到呢又係一次受騙的開始 ^^
第七句：我戒佐……
十個男人．七個好煙八個好酒九個好色．
仲有一個樣樣都好．如果真係可以戒 咁果D煙呀 酒呀 3陪小姐該留畀邊個消費呢?
第八句：我一定改
大話 又係大話 (唔可以用文字形容) /.
第九句：我會娶你的
結婚唔係游戲．
係要付之行動的．講既次數越多．娶你的機會越細．根本就係成反比
第十句：我冇呃你
呢句話本身就係又呃多你一次．
罪上加罪．罪冇可恕 …………
第十一句：我愛你一万年
屁話 最大的屁話….
你以為女人係老烏龜咩 可以活到一萬年 ….
—-MVP親筆
親筆
勁easy
I like your philosophy. So many people buy into the victim mentality and let the World beat them instead of realizing the opportunities God has blessed them with and chasing after them!
I understand how you feel. There are many outside events, people outside of our control and unfortunately we get caught in the maelstrom. But you can control your emotional reactions to them, and you can decide to take certain courses of action. You do have a choice.
Binh
http://www.qualitylondonapartments.co.uk
I understand how you feel. There ae circumstances that outside of our control and it is all to easy to be caught up in the maelstrom. But you can control your emotional responses to them, and decide on your course of action. You have a choice.
Good luck
BinhZ
http://www.qualitylondonapartments.co.uk
Some people go through life and never realize that they suffer from the “victim” mentality. It’s good to hear that you realized and faced it. Life is always throwing obstacles at us, it is ultimately up to us whether we overcome them or sit in the corner and cry like children. It’s even tougher for people who truly have been victims of improper circumstances. With a little counseling and affirmations of self worth even then it can be defeated! Sometimes when I feel down or even if I’m just in need of some central focus I listen to Emer Kenny’s Light of You. It’s simple, very ethereal and soothing with a great message. Nice post and I like the calm green template…
Sally
I’m guessing what you mean is that you had a passive attitude towards life. Which, of course, gets in the way, and I understand how trying to be active and responsible for your life is necessary.
But it is insulting to people who truly have been victimized (i.e. dispossessed, disenfranchised, and devalued by more powerful people/social systems) to suggest that “being a victim” is shameful – and optional. It’s never the victim’s fault. It’s the fault of the power responsible for hurting them.
In the same sense, you cannot “choose” to be a victim or not to be a victim. For example, in cases of rape, the victim is just that. She is a victim. She did not choose to be raped, or encourage her rapist, and she doesn’t somehow have a blameworthy “victim mentality” if she suffers emotionally afterwards. Nothing about the situation is her fault: that’s why she’s a victim, and the only shame in the situation rests squarely on the shoulders of the assaulter.
So, yes, it’s a quibble about language, but it’s an important distinction to keep in mind, and one that most people don’t think about. Passivity is not useful, which I believe was your point, but victimhood is not shameful.
I don’t know what kind of victimization you are talking about, but I got raped at the gas pump today. So I can relate.
You’re so right. You can’t just blame everything that happens to you on other things and people. I mean, in some way shape or form you were involved, and that needs to be acknowledged.
i NEVER let that crap get to me even though i COULD have claimed victimhood
be strong
God you’re messed up ^.^”
You always have a choice. You can react or not. Sometimes choosing to not be a victim is reactive. But even then it’s a difficult choice because you are allowing the potential of becoming a victim to influence your actions. Truly being free of victimization is getting to the point where your actions are free of reference to the forces that would otherwise victimize you.
UH. Why did you think you were a victim? Sounds like paranoia. I mean, it doesn’t make sense without a reason. Why the circumstances? Why do people do that? Why let yourself feel that way if you’re not? Egh.
Good lesson. You are who you choose to be. Don’t let others decide for you.
i used to do that too
Sorry about not commenting sooner!
Breaking old patterns can be one of the hardest things to do. It takes a very, very, strong will to break things that we have settled into for years. It’s a part of who we are. Life can help dictate some of the things that ‘shape’ our lives, unfortunately not all of them are good.
Sorry to hear about this though. Hopefully it’s not something that will creep back into your life. Misfortune comes in droves though, so the view is understandable. Just try not to get into a mindset that things aren’t going to get better though. Just have to suck it up sometimes and take things head on. Granted it may not always work out for the best, but all you can do is try your best, right?
We can’t always change our situation, what surroundings we are with everyday, or the people around us. All that can be done is change to ourselves; though I’m sure you discovered this already. Just hang in there and having a good support system/friends can help things like this. It’s amazing what the ear of a friend can do or even a shoulder when you’re tired. Rambled on enough though, hope this made some sense.
Agree w/ ‘Lipstickfilter’ that a child doesn’t have the ability to protect themselves very well against life or events brought upon them by adults or even other children. However a child that fights back when being bullied is attempting to not be victimized, and all too often adults punish not just the bully, but also the poor child fighting back. What sort of message are we giving when this happens? To not fight back? To just “turn the other cheek” and take a beating? Does taking “the high road” mean one selects to be a victim and accepts talking about it with a therapist the rest of their life? Sounds like it me.
A little over a year ago I was viciously attacked by a an unknown man high on meth. He picked me up and threw me into a sliding glass door 5ft from where I was standing. He did this 3x. He broke my hip and gave me a concussion, but not without incurring some damage to his own face, groin, and head by my fighting back. He said he was going to kill me, but I wasn’t going to accept that fate. Because I fought for my life I didn’t like being called a victim by the police, doctors, or friends/family.
Did I fit the definition of a victim? Sure I did, but I also fit the definition of survivor.
Summer Tanks & Tees (discount prices)
i agree…i too use to let myself get victimized…then one day i just sat there thinking about all the negativity in my life and realized i was the one that allowed myself to be the victim…this entry is SO right! i guess im not the only one =)
But the cool thing about this realization is that YOU CAN BREAK THE CYCLE! I grew up a “victim.” It wasn’t intentional, i had to deal with major stuff that i had no control over. But i learned that to every action there is a reaction…so we are “responsible for our actions and reactions.”
Although i am suffering some of the consquences of what others have done, i refuse to be a victim. I have learned stuff that i’ve been able to pass on, i’ve determined to raise a good, loving healthy family, i’ve dealt with horrible circumstances and come out ok. A little scarred, but ok. You can too!
This is amazing.
It really made me think.
Though I agree that empowerment is usually a conceivable goal, the reality is that sometimes liberation cannot be achieved, no matter how hard a person works to transcend the identity of “victim.” For example, hundreds of thousands of women and children are forcibly drafted into the global sex trade. Not only are these people raped, beaten, and, whether by violence or by disease, killed, but there is little hope for them to escape. Authorities, reaching from local law enforcement agencies, to UN peacekeepers, either don’t care or are involved in the trade themselves. Human trafficking nets an annual profit second only to the illegal sale of drugs and weapons.
I REFUSE to believe that a person living in such horrific conditions is responsible for his or her status as a victim.
Perhaps I feel so strongly because I have dealt with a similarly hellish existence- from which I had no way out of for almost me whole life. From the time I was born, I was molested by my mother, and physically abused by my father. When I was five, I also began to be molested by a teacher at my school. This lasted until I was ten. A couple years later, I was raped by three men. I was just a KID. I couldn’t go for help to my parents, obviously, and I didn’t have anyone else. Home wasn’t safe. School wasn’t safe. Nowhere was safe.
I’m 18 now, and I’m trying my best to recover. I have severe Post-Traumatic Stree Disorder and have limited control over my counsciousness- the trauma present for so long has resulted in frequent dissociation. My flashbacks make me feel like I’m being raped every day- still. Because of what was done to me, I black out all the time. As I said, I’m working very hard at recovering, but it’s hard to deal with an issue when you black out whenever you try to talk about it.
Moreover, I don’t know how long I’ll have left to live if and when I recover. I was diagnosed this past week with severe tachycardia, which leads to heart failure.
I am fighting so hard it’s killing me (literally), but I am still a victim. I’m NOT looking for sympathy, just some slack.
Give me a break…
I know you do not know me.. but I am trying to figure out this place and I am having a hard time.I am very sorry for all your unhappiness
it makes me sad. It’s a shame that some people just can’t take their frustration elsewhere than to hurt people’s feelings and make them think it’s their fault 
.. but maybe I can make you feel a bit better.. that is if you wanna go look.. if you or any of you are just bored or anything.. I am trying to start a freebie site … all free samples, good paying surveys… etc.. and at no cost to anyone.Maybe you will see something that will make you smile 
or maybe you will find something you want or need… . I just do it because I know there are alot of people who do not have the time to hunt them.. so I am doing that part for you.. all you have to do is see if you see something you want or need in the freebies. I have seen where people charge people for survey links.. mostly junk ones.. and I do not nor will I ever charge people for that.. it’s crazy.. so if you wanna see what I mean.. please check out my blog.. and see if you see anything you like.. and if I am bothering you.. I am sorry..didn’t mean too.. just trying to let a few people know I am around.. and I want to help in my own way 
.. Have a nice evening.. and wish me luck on figuring this place out lol.. Wendy
geez, i think i should let you know this is NOT spam.. this is not ADVERTISING.. this is just a gal that is trying to do a good deed.. that’s all.. and I hope I didnt stick my nose in where it didn’t belong.. as I said.. I am new here.. I have a myspace but this is totally diff to me .. sorry again, if I bothered anyone.. I didn’t intend to..
Wendy
google
yeah shit happens people are so mean and evil.
what would you like to do to change it?
=o.
do you want to change it?
I have a friend who is a positive thinker like you. It is good to read your blog. Keep telling your self this…
人生是無常的 但無論是哭or笑 每天還是再過 那何不笑著迎接新的一天
It’s so easy to take on the role of the victim when bad things happen, but it doesn’t get you anywhere. It just makes you more sad and more angry and feeling like you don’t have control in any aspect of your life. Taking control of the little things, like even forcing yourself to smile… or getting out of bed in the morning, can seem silly to others but they can be empowering to someone who feels like their life doesn’t belong to them. I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I’ve been through times where pretending like I can’t do anything to change my situations or my attitude seems like the best thing to do, but I’ve learned that being productive and looking at things with a different perspective can make a world of difference!
if you feel like a victim, read my second from today’s post… I felt violated!
i knew a person who felt exactly like you did, except that she didn’t realize that she sees herself as a victim. she felt powerful as far as she can control her career and her daily neccessity but her every sentence, every move SCREAMS VICTIM. i’ve been trying to instill her the encouraging mantra that she’s not helpless but she doesn’t seem to get it. i can’t tell her directly neither. she rejects the notion of it. really, i’m impiressed. how did you realize that you have a victim mentality. what’s yoru secret?
I know how that goes. I, in my youth, am just starting to understand how to take hold of my own life instead of it taking hold of me. I had to get my sense knocked into me the tough way, but it’s changed my whole perception. I’m glad you’re featured! It’s a great article.
I am amazied at how a lot of people use that excuse for most of the problems in there life, How they let themselves feel pity and sorry. I agree that the past makes you who you are, but it depends on you if you let it rule your future. You have a strong head on your shoulders and i admire your self criticisim. i am adding you as a friend now
-Sarah G.
it is easier to be unhappy than it is to be happy.
you’re only a victim if you let yourself be.
you suck.
why is this featured anyway?
it’s nice and all, but it’s not original or even a complete thought. it’s like a soundbyte they have someone saying on oprah, only you forgot the little bar under your head with your name on it and what happened to you so that we care.
thats seriously a weblog to read. people go thru things like that in their lives, feeling as though they have to consider something they dont realize could be dangerous in the end. its like telling yourself you’ll never be anything else besides that one thing. for u…it was the victim. for me…it was forgettin to respond when i knew it was wrong. it got me into more trouble than i thought. this entry kinda takes a person and makes them think of something they were themselves and accepting to change.
very nice.
hey nice messages man 191 comments is alot of comments how did you get all of those comments let me know soon so i can have alot of commentin the next year or two.
Hmm… so at what exact point are you now? Realization, re-victimized, moving on, or moving forward?
Wow. I have recently been dealing with some of that kind of mentality, although it was probably there for many years. Funny how we humans can think in terms of victimization even when we know we have hope. I have been learning that I am not a victim. But, yes, for me it does take work to change my feelings about such things.
this was currently exactly what i needed to read.
thank you.
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I am a student in Prof. John Mohr’s Introduction to Sociological Methods course at the University of California, Santa Barbara. In this course we are learning how to use content analysis techniques to learn about archival texts. I am writing to you today because I would like to make use of the material that you have posted on the following internet web site http://www.zanga.com as material for my course exercise on content analysis. If you have no objections, I would like to download some of the “blog” text posted on your website and apply some basic content analysis techniques to the material. This means I will be looking to count the number of words you use, and systematically look for recurring themes in the text. The results of the analyses that I perform will not be made public, nor they will be published. In my classroom write-up of my findings I will not identify you by name. There is no obligation for you to participate in this study. If you decide that you would like to withdraw your consent you may do so at any time by contacting me by email. Before I can proceed, I must ask you to send me a reply by email, affirming that you have no objections to my making use of your blog material in this way. I also need to know whether you are at least 18 years of age. Please email me at this address. jfleishman@umail.ucsb.edu.
More information about the study can be obtained by contacting professor John Mohr, in the Department of Sociology at the University of California, Santa Barbara, CA 93106. You can also contact Prof. Mohr by email: mohr@soc.ucsb.edu.
Thank you very much,
Jodi
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Releasing yourself from destructive self-talk and victim mentality gives freedom and grace. Good for you!
hmmm…yeah…what she said.
That gets kind of scary sometimes, I have to admit. I work at it every day.
just passing through…I loved the blog post.
my life is pretty much the same. but im more like a prisoner in life, i dont get much i want, and nothing i want to happen ever does. im starting to think i am developing depression.
I think everybody does this to a certain extent. I remember when I had to put my life on hold to deal with an illness in my family. I resented having to quit my job (it wasn’t that great); I felt that I had a right to my own life (it was pretty boring); I didn’t want to feel like somebody or something else might be more important than me. I now think that that year I took off was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I had time to understand a lot of things a lot better, and I like to think it made me a bit less selfish. It certainly made me a stronger person as far as my emotions are concerned.
Good blog.
.><.
Kudos for posting something very similar to what I posted a few years ago during my own ‘victim phase’.
awesome. seriously. i think i thougth i was a victim too, until very recently. it’s so much, well, nicer, i guess, to be in charge of your life. to live days like you chose to live them, not like you just happen to be alive.
My sister needs to read this! She needs to realize it too as she portrays herself as a victim but would never admit to it.
I’m glad you realized you had to change things around and have made it a point to not let yourself think as a victim. Wish you all the best! Good karma will be your end results!
i noticed u were on my site but failed to comment
I know what you mean, I get victimized by life a lot, and its so hard to get out of it.
If only everyone who has ever thought they ARE a victim could have the same epiphany….
it’s good to acknowledge choice . shit happens , all the time , everywhere . but it’s ultimately up to you to decide how you are going to let it affect you .
That happens when you begin to take control of your life back. Feels good doesn’t it?!
therez sth unpleasant that makes u victimized yrself??
Kelly. Xx
im really happy reading your post. im in too deep right now. i guess I myself allowed myself to be a victim. Now I have something to repeat everyday; I WILL NEVER MYSELF TO BE A VICTIM. Thanks so much!
I must say that post was an enlightenment really. Saying it to myself has helped me a great deal too. I also can’t remember when i started saying it, but somehow, along my childhood, i realised i was in control of my own destiny. Of course some things happen that i can’t control. But i’m in control of my mind frame and eventually, that dictates how happy i am as a person. Good stuff
你系乜水牙?
做咩冇啦啦比cm我既?
That’s a positive outlook.
I’m sure I could relate to it…I have experience of thinking myself as a victim. Life is a tragedy, that’s the human condition. You just have to live the best out of it. Depends on your attitude, I’d say. When you’re in control of your thoughts, then you could be able to tell yourself “I’m not a victim.” But sometimes we couldn’t help what we think or have control in life, I still believe there’s something called destiny. Well..again, live the best out of everyday and count your blessings.
Yes that has definitely been my motto for a long time. I refuse to be a fucking victim.
Happens all the time
Peace.
abort73.com
I dare you to click and find out the unfiltered truth about abortion; or do you just not care to know what these people are legally doing to unborn, human babies?
This may be bad. but it’s not that bad i mean you have a choice to let it control your life or control ur own life. i guess we know which one you have choosen.
not to judge you but not everything goes right in you life so sometimes you have to suck it up and move on if everyone got what they wanted this world would be very spoiled!!
pS. at least you got through it!!
stay free!!
Thanks for sharing, you’re featured!
Perhaps we shall not be victims when we accept the unfreedom of freedom.
you’re right in what you’re saying, about taking responsibility for your life, etc., and not being a ‘victim’, but your blog entry is like an over-simplified extract from almost any self-help book out there. Still, it’s as good a mantra as any. i’m not criticizing.
i liked some of the comments here btw.
(“Feel the Fear.. “, by Susan Jeffers, is quite a good a self-help book to try, if anyone wanted a recommendation that would cover this idea and more.)
victim eh, it happens a lot to me.
i am proud of you for taking control of your life instead of letting it spiral into more misery. congratulations!
i hear ya! loud and clear! theres my life spilled out right in front of me. =(
I know I sometimes still allow myself to be the victim. It’s the easy way out, ture, but I’ve found that it’s also a sure path to unhappiness. I am much happier when I understand that I am in control of my actions and (for the most part) my emotions. By telling myself that I am not the victim and that I am an active player in my life…maybe even the most important player…I am able to see things more clearly. Instead of getting frustrated and depressed, I can sort things out rationally and better the situation.
Yes indeed its very tempting to be that way. Especially when you are lonely and sad and can’t feel like you trust anyone. Just be strong that’s all I can tell you. Know who the true people are in your life and you should be fine. If I would have known you I would be your friend.
…you got raped?
interesting point there… perhaps i should take your advice…and who knows i might be able…. to achieve self discovery… its great to see that such method has worked wonders on you ^_^
i certainly am a victim, but i victimized myself first…
I’m not exactly sure of exactly what you are talking about, but if its anything like what I went through as a child, it took me till I was about 22 to forgive for what happened to me. I felt like the victim of many things for a long long time. It made me more strong willed/stubborn and that much more of a survivor. Do what you gotta do, repeat it if necessary. What ever makes you strong and remember that you lived through it and aren’t the victim anymore!
It’s up to adults to teach a kid not to be a victim. Yet, it’s far too convenient, in a shortsighted way, to treat the kid as a victim, thus further confirming to the kid that he or she actually is a victim. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a magic age, say 16 or 18 or 21, when a kid is officially no longer a victim? “Happy Birthday – You’re no longer a victim! Now go out there and conquer the world as you were meant to do”. Then, of course, the newly turned non-victim will treat kids as victims, in a convenient, shortsited, selfish sort of way.
i’m completely with you on this, this is something i needed to read on a day like today, thank you so much!
I’ve been swimming in that victim mentality pool for a little over two years not. Sometimes I get my head above water, but, usually I’m mostly under the water. I feel like my face is poking out of the water a little higher lately though. I’ve taken stands and reclaimed me. Now I just have to be strong, as I know I am, and hold true to what I am aiming for. Tooo easy to fall back into the deep waters. With just once sentence from anyone, and I can feel my grasp releasing. Thank you for giving me that extra bit of grip to hold onto.
This is pretty brilliant.
i touch myself too
i was sexually abused just last year by my stepmoms father. now he lives with us and im expected 2 forgive him? its not easy to forgive and forget that kind of thing. i told my dad and stepmom they talked to him but thats it. now living with him creeps me out. one time i woke up with him just sitting on the end of the bed watching me sleep! so now my boy friend understands and hes cool with it. i haven’t told any of my friends yet and i may not. im 11 now going 2 middleschool.
Do you consider yourself
to be a good person?
Almost everyone thinks they are a good person…
But the question you should be asking is,
“Am I good enough
to go to Heaven?â€
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
The way to find out is to ask
yourself if you have obeyed the
Ten Commandments.
Most people say, “Well, I’ve broken one or two, but nothing too serious, like murder, etc.â€
So let’s go through them and see how you do…
1. You shall have no other gods before me.
Have you always put God first in your life? Jesus said to love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength– so much, that your love for your parents, brothers and sisters, friends, and even your own life is like hatred compared to your love and devotion for God, (Luke 14:26). Have you ever failed to put Him first in your life?
GUILTY – Yes, I have broken this commandment at least once.
INNOCENT – No, I have NEVER broken this commandment in my life.
2. You shall not make for yourself any idol.
Who is God to you? Is he only a god of love and mercy who would never judge anyone and never cast anyone into Hell? If that’s your god, then you’re right. Your god couldn’t cast anyone into Hell because he doesn’t exist. He’s a figment of your imagination. You’ve created a god in your own mind that you’re more comfortable with. You may call it your “personal belief,†but God calls it idolatry. The Bible warns that idolaters will not inherit the kingdom of heaven, (Ephesians 5:5).
GUILTY – Yes, I have broken this commandment at least once.
INNOCENT – No, I have NEVER broken this commandment in my life.
3. You shall not take the name of God in vain.
Have you ever used God’s name as a curse word? If you have, you’ve taken the holy name of God– who gave you your life, your family, and everything precious to you– and used it as a filthy, four-letter word. Hitler’s name wasn’t even despised enough to be used as a curse word! If you have used God’s holy name in that manner, you are a blasphemer and the Bible says “God will not hold him guiltless who takes the name of the Lord in vain,†(Exodus 20:7).
GUILTY – Yes, I have broken this commandment at least once.
INNOCENT – No, I have NEVER broken this commandment in my life.
4. Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy.
God commands that we set aside one day in seven. Have you ever been guilty of breaking this Commandment?
GUILTY – Yes, I have broken this commandment at least once.
INNOCENT – No, I have NEVER broken this commandment in my life.
5. Honor your father and your mother.
Have you always honored your parents in a way that’s pleasing in the sight of God? Ask Him to remind you of the sins of your youth. You may have forgotten them, but God hasn’t.
GUILTY – Yes, I have broken this commandment at least once.
INNOCENT – No, I have NEVER broken this commandment in my life.
6. You shall not murder.
Jesus warned “Whoever is angry with his brother without cause, is in danger of judgment,†(Matthew 5:22) and the Bible says, “He who hates his brother is a murderer,†(1 John 3:15). God sees hatred in the heart to be as wicked as murder. We can violate His Law by attitude and intent.
GUILTY – Yes, I have broken this commandment at least once.
INNOCENT – No, I have NEVER broken this commandment in my life.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
Jesus warned, “You have heard…’You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart,†(Matthew 5:28). Have you ever looked at another person with lust? The Bible says that adulterers and fornicators (those who have had sex before marriage) will not enter the kingdom of heaven (1 Corinthians 6:9).
GUILTY – Yes, I have broken this commandment at least once.
INNOCENT – No, I have NEVER broken this commandment in my life.
8. You shall not steal.
Have you ever stolen anything (even if it was something small)? The value of the thing stolen doesn’t matter; petty theft is still theft. Have you ever taken anything that belonged to someone else (from the office, school, parents, etc.)? If you have, that makes you a thief.
GUILTY – Yes, I have broken this commandment at least once.
INNOCENT – No, I have NEVER broken this commandment in my life.
9. You shall not lie.
Have you ever told a lie? Then you are a liar. How many murders do you have to commit to be a murderer? Just one. If you have told even one lie, that makes you a liar. The Bible warns that all liars will have their part in the Lake of Fire (Revelation 21:8). You may not think deceitfulness is a serious sin, but God does.
GUILTY – Yes, I have broken this commandment at least once.
INNOCENT – No, I have NEVER broken this commandment in my life.
10. You shall not covet.
This means we should never desire anything that belongs to another person. Not their house, nor their car, nor their money, nor their wife, nor their lifestyle, nor anything that belongs to our neighbor. Have you ever broken this commandment?
GUILTY – Yes, I have broken this commandment at least once.
INNOCENT – No, I have NEVER broken this commandment in my life.
Who of us can say we are not guilty of breaking these Commandments?
This is what the Bible means when it says, “All have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God,†(Romans 3:23).
Can you see your predicament? You are guilty of sinning against God Himself, and, because you have a conscience, (con-with, science-knowledge) you have sinned “with knowledge.â€
Isn’t it true that every time you lied, stole, or lusted, etc., you knew it was wrong?
Does the fact that you have sinned against God scare you? It should.
You have actually angered
Him by your sin.
The Bible says His wrath abides on you (John 3:36), and that you are an “enemy of God in your mind through wicked works,†(Colossians 1:21).
Perhaps you think God is good and because of His goodness He will overlook your sins?
But if you knew of a human judge who turned a blind eye to the crimes of a guilty rapist… would you describe him as a “good†judge?
No. That would be a corrupt judge.
God could never be a corrupt judge.
He will punish all the rapists, murderers, and thieves… But He won’t stop there. He will also punish all liars, the lustful, adulterers, idolaters, and blasphemers, (Revelation 21:8).
The place of eternal
punishment is Hell.
If you’ve decided to reject the gift of forgiveness and you die in your sins, there is no hope for you. There is no purgatory. The wrath of God abides on you and you will spend eternity in Hell. Please take the time to read what the Bible says Hell is like.
The Bible Describes Hell
There are three words translated “Hell†in Scripture:
Gehenna (Greek): The place of punishment (Matthew 5:22,29; 10:28; and James 3:6)
Hades (Greek): The abode of the dead (Matthew 11:23; 16:18; Luke 16:23; Acts 2:27)
Sheol (Hebrew): The grave (Psalm 9:17; 16:10)
There are those who accept that Hell is a place of punishment, but believe that the punishment is to be annihilated—to cease conscious existence. They can’t conceive that the punishment of the wicked will be conscious and eternal. If they are correct, then a man like Adolph Hitler, who was responsible for the deaths of millions, is being “punished†merely with eternal sleep. His fate is simply to return to the non-existent state he was in before he was born, where he doesn’t even know that he is being punished.
However, Scripture paints a different story. The rich man who found himself in Hell (Luke 16:19-31) was conscious. He was able to feel pain, to thirst, and to experience remorse. He wasn’t asleep in the grave; he was in a place of “torment.†If Hell is a place of knowing nothing or a reference to the grave into which we go at death, Jesus’ statements about Hell make no sense. He said that if your hand, foot, or eye causes you to sin, it would be better to remove it than to “go into Hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: where their worm dies not, and the fire is not quenched†(Mark 9:43-48).
The Bible refers to the fate of the unsaved with such fearful words as the following:
•“Shame and everlasting contempt†(Daniel 12:2)
•“Everlasting punishment†(Matthew 25:46)
•“Weeping and gnashing of teeth†(Matthew 24:51)
•“Fire unquenchable†(Luke 3:17)
•“Indignation and wrath, tribulation and anguish†(Romans 2:8,9)
•“Everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord†(2 Thessalonians 1:9)
•“Eternal fire…the blackness of darkness for ever†(Jude 7,13)
Revelation 14:10,11 tells us the final, eternal destiny of the sinner: “He shall be tormented with fire and brimstone…the smoke of their torment ascended up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day or night.”
God does not want you to perish. He is rich in mercy and compassion, and has provided a way for you to be forgiven. He has invited you to come to Him for a full pardon and receive the free gift of Eternal Life. You cannot earn it, and you do not deserve it, but God is offering it to you as proof of His love for you.
Imagine you are standing in front of a judge, guilty of multiple serious crimes. All the evidence has been presented and there is no doubt about your guilt. Your apologies and good works cannot erase your crimes; therefore you must be punished. The fine for your crime is $250,000 or imprisonment, but you don’t have two pennies to rub together. The judge is about to pass sentence when someone you don’t even know steps in and pays your fine for you! The court accepts the money and declares that you are free to go. The law has been satisfied, your debt has been paid in full, and the stranger’s sacrifice was a demonstration of his love for you. That’s what God did for you 2000 years ago.
The Bible says that the God of the Universe became a man (Jesus Christ), and suffered and died on the cross for your sins and mine so that we could be set free. It’s as simple as this—we broke the Law, and Jesus paid our fine.
“God demonstrated His own love for us in that while
we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
“Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law,
being made a curse for us.” (Galatians 3:13)
Do you see God’s great love for you? Do you see your need for His forgiveness? Then do what He commands and “Repent…that your sins may be wiped out and times of refreshing may come from the Lord.†(Acts 3:19) You must turn away from sin and turn to God. Desire to have NOTHING to do with sin, and surrender your life to the One who can save you. Jesus died to set you free, and then he rose from death to be your Lord. Jesus said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me.†If you will confess and forsake your sins (repent) and trust in Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord, God will forgive you and you’ll pass from death to life.
What does it mean to “put your faith in Jesus Christ?” It means to personally trust in Jesus the same way you’d trust in a parachute if you had to jump 25,000 feet out of an airplane. You wouldn’t just “believe” in the parachute; you would put it on! In the same way, the Bible says, “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ…” and you will be saved. There are millions of people who “believe” Jesus exists . . . but they have not put on the Savior—there’s a BIG difference. And the difference will be obvious when you “jump†through the door of death.
Today, with all your heart—turn away from sin, and surrender your life to Jesus Christ. Please don’t put it off till later. You may die today and then it will be too late. You may not yet have all the answers to your questions, but better to put on the parachute first and then ask questions, then to pass through the door unprepared, grasping for the parachute when it’s too late.
You can pray something like this —
“Dear God, today I turn from all my sins (name them), and I put my trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Please forgive me, and grant me your gift of everlasting life. Amen.”
There is nothing magic about these words—it is the attitude of your heart that God cares about.
God will transform you from the inside out. You will think and feel differently as you learn to trust and obey Him. God will give you new strength to live right and love Him above all else. Read your Bible daily and obey His Word. You can trust God—He loves you and will always be faithful.
FROM http://www.livingwaters.com/
This is really awesome. Thank you for sharing that with us. It is written in such a simplistic manner…but it really is that “simple.” I should think about the moment I decided not to be a victim anymore as well. Once again, thank you
yeah.
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The same thing happened to me with my father a couple years ago when my parents got divorced. Emotionally and mentally he had me cornered, but it all came down to me either accepting it or fighting it. I used the same phrase up there for three years now. (:
jubaleee
jubaleee
true!
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i think you hit an amazing point with your message, and it was well written out. im gonna try that next time i feel like ‘IM’ the victim. thanks, really. :]
art
everything happens for a reason to make people realize that not everything is their fault. and i’m glad that you realize that you are not the victim to whatever it is that happened in your childhood
I really enjoyed your entry. & So glad that it is featured. I also really enjoyed the comments that readers have left for you. Lots of encouragement and thoughts. For one thing, I know how you felt and hope you don`t fall back into being victimized. And as for myself, I am a victim of my own life & I always feel like I`m working on trying to get rid of it but I haven`t made much progress. Depression is linked with this feeling and I truly believe that choosing to change this begins within the individual`s mind through action. :]
you know, there’s a man named dr. dennis deaton, and he travels to different businesses and gives talks on the victim mentality and so many people in this world are victims and just let crap happen to them and they take it…
it’s tragic.
i’m glad you are one of the few owners, not one of the multitudes of victims.
the group he’s with is called Quma Learning. google it. it’s good stuff.
It really depends on what situtation you are in. The enviromental factor plays a role in this kind of “victim” mentality.
the problem with making a choice is that it allows you to go to either direction. if the choice is good than you feel great. as time goes by the greatness of the choice will lose momentum, that is where old pattern starts coming in. the reason the old pattern comes in is because you are not aware of the situation in its totality. the right choice robbed you of your awareness of your situation. responsibility adds more problems to the situation because now you feel that you are responsible for that situation, hence you are a victim. embrace victim with total love than the victim will allow you to relieve yourself of whatever you are feeling for that situation. there is a reason for your feelings it is your turn to experience the season without it being right or wrong. for wrong is right at the moment but at another moment right is wrong.
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it’s so funny!!!!!
I don’t feel like I’ve been literally victimised in life by people, but sometimes I think to myself that I’ve been treated extremely unfairly and unappreciated……and some comments that my relatives have made just added to my questioning or whether I was really loved by my family…
For me I just try to ‘look on the bright side’ and I think about all the positives that have happened when I feel upset – hopefully I then realise that life aint so bad
Sorry if its slightly off topic. xxx
I’ve recently learned about Karpman’s triangle and the ugly cycle that is victimization. Never realized it was happening to me either. I believe you’ve found the key… realizing it’s a choice. Not necessarily the most easy thing to break out of, but I’m hoping it can be done…
hey that was sweat but send me a message and we can chat so hi good luck
from,
hayj1997
Victum mentality is a hard thing to beat. I know I struggle with that myself. hugs. <3
YOU ROCK!!!
well i think it maybe a good start to you!and think about it is good to you!keep it up but don,t worry too much^.^]
cheers
margaret
I applaud you, being able to tell yourself that you are not a victim and push through all the negativity takes strength.
I hope you can get yourself out of this rut now as well. You’re stronger than you think you are.
random props. i’m glad you came to that realization. it usually takes a lifetime to break those nasty cycles that are sometimes inherited. it’s easier to be the victim and more challenging to keep fighting it. good luck to you.
I’m happy for you.
yeah… Im 18 and still have that victim mentality… it’s quite visible in my relationships (past & present)
eh
I agree with u.
I feel you. Sometimes you don’t want to have a victim mentality, but you can’t help feeling that way. It’s difficult to forget some things that make you a “victim.” Your try to forget or overcome it, but there are times when it “creeps back.” Nice post.
just don’t let it get to you
I agree, definitely.
And just as easy to recognize it and turn around.
I suppose it’s the great, and the horrible thing about life–it cycles, but change can be enacted.
Just keep renewing your mind, yea?
It’s a hard thing, these days, it seems the mantra of the postmodern american–it is not my fault, i am a victim of place and circumstance. Not true, and we have to work to refuse to live that way.
Chin up, dear. Victims always turn out to be heroes when they refuse to accept their position.
Sometimes we think it is easier to play the victim role, but it really takes more effort. I’m glad that I’ve made several decisions to not play that role.
It’s a story of mine. I wear the links of london in my whole life. No one knows why I love so much the ring. I also don’t know why. We even don’t know what his name is and how old he is and where he come and went. It really likes a ridiculous story. But I have a proof that is the links of london jewellery ring. It’s neither a dream nor a girl’s imagination.
I don’t know if you can see this article, if you can remember the period happiness, I hope you can have a happy life.